Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Post-Holiday Meme: List of Sevens

Courtesy of Mary. Maybe she's been popping over here and seeing there's nothing going on...so she gave me a bit of a jolt. Thanks, Mare. I needed it!

So here goes....

Seven Things to Do Before I Die:
1. Make the NYT best-seller list
2. Become a grandmother
3. Travel Italy
4. See the Taj Mahal
5. Visit Ankor Wat
6. Go on an African Safari
7. Have at least one other home

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Change a tire
2. Darn socks (who can?)
3. Make good piecrust
4. Eat pickled deer heart (even before I went raw) *shudder*
5. Keep from crying during those "priceless" commercials
6. Calculus
7. Sing

Seven Things that Attract Me to my Spouse/Significant Other
1. His eyes, especially the way they crinkle when he smiles
2. His sense of humor
3. His chest
4. His singing voice
5. His affection and tenderness for our children
6. His legs!!!
7. The way he listens to me even when I am babbling

Seven Things I Say (or Write) Most Often:
1. Holy Shit!
2. Unbelievable!
3. Settle Down! (I have three children under ten)
4. Chill.
5. Hugs
6. Awesome!
7. No Effing Way!

Seven Books (or Series) I Love:
1. Night Train to Memphis by Elizabeth Peters
2. Trojan Gold by Elizabeth Peters (yes, they are in the same series, but I love them both!)
3. Alinor by Roberta Gellis
4. The J. D. Robb series
5. Vows by LaVyrle Spencer
6. Bet Me by Jenny Crusie
7. Jewels of the Sun by Nora Roberts

Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over:
1. The Lord of The Rings Trilogy
2. When Harry Met Sally...
3. Pride & Prejudice (the BBC version)
4. The Bourne Supremacy
5. Victor/Victoria
6. Maverick
7. Sunset (see a pattern here? Big James Garner fan.)

Seven People I Wish Would Join In... (TAG!)
1. Diana (hope you haven't done this one already; too lazy to check your blog....)
2. Jana
3. Elly
4. Jill
5. Marley (er, I mean, Vanessa)
6. Janice
7. Kate

Okay...that's it. I'm exhausted.

Now...off to pick up where I left off on the first season of LOST, thanks to the chubby guy in the red suit, who brought me my own set of the DVDs!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

For Jana

Here you are, my dear. Most happy to oblige.

Lazy Blog Post

'cause it's been awhile.

Got caught up in the holiday craziness of everyone wanting their business done before the end of the year, plus bad weather wreaking havoc with my internet connection (good-bye, SBC...hello, Comcast. At least the cable lines are buried and don't get iced over during Michigan blizzards!), plus all my own holiday honey-do list items.

Since I'm feeling guilty for not posting in awhile, and 'cause I'm feeling awfully thankful for all my online friends looking out for me over the year, I'm posting a note that was sent to a loop I'm on. Unfortunately, not only can I not take credit for writing it, I can't even give the credit, 'cause I don't know where it came from!

To All My Online Friends:

As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out
to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making
me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in
the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet
towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who
make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under
God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I
could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I
smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS
or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to
dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls
to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually
horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have
363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my
prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and
make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick
girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the
1,387,258th time)

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change
once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are
sending me for participating in their special email
program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that
I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of
diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this
afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually
happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Merry Christmas!
Here's a present specially for Janice:



















And here's one for Mary:



















And one for Holli, Kelly and Tammy:



















And for Jill and me:

















(don't tell me I'm the only wife and mother who has to arrange for her own Christmas presents....)

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Gift Giving for Under $30

Today's post is up at WetNoodlePosse.com's blog.

And I'll just leave you with this....

Thursday, December 01, 2005

December's Wet Noodle Posse

The highlights of the December issue of Wet Noodle Posse.com from the pen of our own Kiki Clark:

Relax into the month of December.

Relax into food, shopping, and endless chatty emails about whether Aunt Sammie would like a pretty scarf.

Surrender to sappy songs, twinkly lights and egg-based beverages. Don’t fight it.

Above all, don’t try to be your usual productive self while covered in glitter and glue. It may be better to give than to receive, but it’s better still to live than to deceive yourself into thinking you can whip around the world in one month, like one of Santa’s reindeer.

Relax, and remember that it’s not a one-shot deal. Whatever it is you feel you should have done, there’s always next year.

Good news! Amazingly, one of the things you can probably blow off this month is a mammogram. Norah Wilson’s experience and research suggests that many doctors have changed their recommendations; raising the age range and lowering the frequency of the not-so-easy squeezy. Find out why.

Our goal for December is for you to be as relaxed as a just-fed puppy on Valium, but we realize that can be a difficult state to achieve. Dr. Debra outlines four steps for defusing stress, using a recent example from her own life. When you read how she turned terrible into wonderful, you will say, “Yes, Virginia, there is a coping mechanism.”

Colleen Gleason has one sure way to decrease your stress – a whole list of great gifts for less than twenty bucks, complete with online and local sources and who they’re good for, from your best girlfriend to your fabulous babysitter. Are you relaxing yet?

This month’s recipe column is all about Holiday Desserts! Be a hit at the office potluck with the mother of all Carrot Cakes (Pineapple, and coconut, and walnuts, oh my!). You can wrap home-made sugarplums in cellophane bags and give them as gifts, make Christmas Wreath cookies with the kids, and wow the family with Angel Delight, profiteroles, or honest-to-gosh plum pudding.

Terry McLaughlin shows you how to make clothespin Nutcrackers, and boy, are they cute! This simple, satisfying craft is a great activity for the kids, and you can use the little wooden fellows as holiday decorations or package toppers when you’re done. Say… Have you ever noticed that nutcrackers look a lot like British Beefeaters? Which brings us to…

London, Baby! Part Five of Delle Jacobs’ English travel series ends in the only city where a Regency gal can dash after dukes, sin by the Serpentine, and tire herself on the Tube, all in one day. Don’t forget a stop at Shakespeare’s re-created Globe Theatre. Oh, my goodness, the pictures!

As a top-notch psychotherapist, SuperHeroine Josephine Bynder has been bringing comfort and joy for over 40 years, which is probably one reason she was named Social Worker of the Year in Boulder, Colorado. Noodler Kiki Clark wondered: What makes a thirteen-year-old girl decide she wants to unravel the mysteries of the mind? The answer? Why, the movies, of course.

Janice Lynn is December’s Noodler of the Month. With a brand-new book out (Jane Millionaire), Janice is living the newly published dream, which sometimes results in the dreamer sitting bolt upright and screaming, “Why is the cover model wearing a gorilla suit?” Luckily, Janice embodies the single most important quality it takes to make it in the publishing industry – a gorilla suit. No, it’s stubbornness. And remember -- books make great gifts!

There may be a writer who doesn’t hope to quit her day job and live off her words, but we haven’t met that writer. Luckily for all of us, Anne Mallory has come up with step-by-step instructions for determining if you can make a living writing, and how to do it. (Some assembly required. Batteries not included.)

And finally, you can’t jump into those warm and fuzzy holiday feelings without a little training. Your “Awwww!” muscle might cramp. To help you warm up for little girls in red-velvet dresses and wee carolers at the door, the Noodlers reminisce about their favorite pets. Remember to stretch first, and drink plenty of water.

www.WetNoodlePosse.com

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