Saturday, September 30, 2006

I was shockingly brave today.

I am a serious arachnophobe.

My earliest memory is when I was two or three, and I woke up in the middle of the night and looked under my pillow. There was a spider the size of my pillow there, and I ran downstairs to be comforted by my parents.

That might have been a dream, but something else must have scared the crap out of me because when we moved into a new house when I was about four, I refused to sleep in my new room because I'd seen a spider in there. I called it "the Spider Room" for a long time.

I get nauseated when I look at pictures of spiders (including the one on this post). The few times a spider has been in my car and made itself known while I was driving (can you say heart attack?), I nearly ran off the road trying to get away from it.

My husband has become used to "saving" me from spiders in the shower or in our bedroom. (We live on a lake, so there are plenty of them.)

And as for the scenes in Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets and Return of the King with the big spiders...I can't watch. I get sick to my stomach.

I'm not squeamish about anything else: mice, snakes, frogs, crawfish, toads--you name it. Nothing else bothers me. I'll gleefully catch frogs, toads, turtles, crawfish...and I'll eagerly pet or hold a snake that someone else has caught...but no spiders. Thank you.

So, today. I had just put my youngest daughter to bed and I was alone in the house. I walked into the living room, ready to sit down and have a big cup of tea and relax...and what do I see on the middle of the wall.

(See picture.)

I can't ignore it. It's shoulder level. In the middle of a light-colored wall. It could crawl on me!

Maybe it's not a spider. Maybe it's a June bug (no matter that it's October and the June bugs have been gone since, well, June). Maybe it's one of those big mosquito bugs. Or even a Daddy-long legs. (Those don't bother me. Too much.)

No. No sirree. It's a big fat Funnel Weave Spider (I only know the name because I Googled it to find a picture). And it must be a pretty tough one, 'cause it's only got 6.5 legs. And it's about three inches from leg to leg.

Yeah. I got close enough to look at it.

Shiver.

Anyway, I hate spiders--in my house, at least. But even worse is the feel/sound of smashing them when they're big like this. That's enough to make me want to toss my cookies right there. So I have little choice. I'm not going to let it be in my living room, where I'm ready to relax.

I'm not going to knock it to the floor so I can step on it, 1) because I would have to feel it smash under my shoe, and 2) it might crawl on me when I'm knocking it down!!

Shiver.

So, I find a paper bag. I open it really big. Swallowing back the nausea, I walk up to the wall, place the bag below the spider (fingers very clear of the edges so it can't possibly touch me/crawl on me) and, using an old magazine, knock Spidey into the bag.

Quickly! I close up the bag.

I run to the back door, open it and, feeling the spider crawling frantically around inside the bag, its legs pounding on the flimsy paper walls, trying to force its way out onto my hands and up my arms...

I throw the bag onto the deck, and run back inside, feeling oh so squicky and crawly and creeped out.

But then.

You see, I love spiders. When I can't see them and when they aren't in my house. Because, of course, there's Charlotte. And also the fact that they, like bats, eat pests.

So I didn't want Spidey stuck in the bag.

So, I creep back outside, warily watching the bag. It's not moving. The closed up end isn't open. I gingerly pick up the bag, quickly, unsteadily unfurl the edges of the bag just enough so it's slightly open, and toss it back onto the deck--this takes all of five seconds--and I run safely back into the house.

Whew. I'm safe, and Spidey can live to catch a mosquito another day!

13 Comments:

Anonymous sassymonkey soliloquized...

I'm not nearly as nice to spiders. I throw shoes at them. I have pretty good aim too... My theory is that I don't bother them outside so they shouldn't bother me inside. It only seems fair.

Sunday, October 01, 2006 11:48:00 AM  
Blogger Dance Chica soliloquized...

I'm also an arachnophobe and that pic was a nasty shocker! *shakes fist in your direction*

I'm so like you with it comes to spiders. Whenever I see one, I run the other way and scream for someone else to come and "take care of it". lol. Return of the King - Oh no. Couldn't watch that part. My brother thought it was sooo funny.

But you were kind to your spider despite your fear. That was very nice of you. It makes up for the horrible picture. LOL. :-P

Sunday, October 01, 2006 11:59:00 AM  
Blogger Katkat soliloquized...

That souned awful. You are very brave. I don't mind spiders but Earwigs scare me.

Sunday, October 01, 2006 1:03:00 PM  
Blogger Alyssa Goodnight soliloquized...

I have a similar fear of cockroaches. Most other bugs I can deal with just fine, but coakroaches just make me cringe, shiver, and run screaming in the opposite direction.

Well done!

Sunday, October 01, 2006 2:39:00 PM  
Blogger Colleen Gleason soliloquized...

Ya know, Sassy, you've got a point there. At least I wouldn't have to feel that squish if I threw a shoe at them.

And sorry, Dance Chica. *ducking* I'll try and put shocking pictures like that lower on the post from now on.

Katkat, earwigs are nasty looking with those little pincers. Ugh. Don't like them either, but I have no problems smashing them. Not sure why that is.

Alyssa, I haven't seen many cockroaches, but I'm sure I wouldn't like them to come crawling around my house either. Ugh.

And by the way...I was brave enough to check inside the bag today and sure enough, Spidey was gone.

Sunday, October 01, 2006 6:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Annie soliloquized...

I'm very proud of you! And how sweet you even gave him a name... "Spidey"!

I'm not scared of spiders. Living in a heavily wooded development, there are tons and tons and tons outside and inside my house. And we coexist just fine.

Now one bug that can REALL creep me out is a camel cricket. Search for an image and see how disgusting they are. We have loads of them here, too, because of our high humidity. Not only are they ugly, but the can really jump. Nasty buggers!

Sunday, October 01, 2006 10:37:00 PM  
Blogger Carl V. soliloquized...

I'm not a big fan of them either but I have to say that I don't go in for the saving them routine. When it has to be done a quick, squishing attack is the best option in my book. What are you going to do when this recently released captive decides that he wants to come back and bring friends to the nice ladies house who let him go free? ;)

Sunday, October 01, 2006 11:51:00 PM  
Blogger Diana Peterfreund soliloquized...

I do not kill spiders, because spiders eat roaches, which I loathe with the burning hatred of a thousand suns.

Though I just saw, I kid you not, a CENTIPEDE crawling on my wall. Do they eat roaches? Someone, please tell me.

Monday, October 02, 2006 2:12:00 AM  
Blogger Colleen Gleason soliloquized...

Carl, you are mean to put that in my head. Mean, mean, mean!

Monday, October 02, 2006 8:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Jaci Burton soliloquized...

You do NOT want to ever come visit me in Oklahoma, then. We get huge spiders. Wolf spiders, the occasional tarantula...which are very cute, actually.

But yeah. Tons of spiders out here. Big big spiders. *g*

Monday, October 02, 2006 9:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous soliloquized...

You are far braver than I. I would have screamed, smooshed it with a boot, screamed some more, danced around flailing my arms, and then screamed. Followed by more screaming. And then intermittent shudders for about 45 minutes.

P.S. Blogger is being a pill and won't let me post as "Other," so this is Gypsy, http://strangegypsy.typepad.com

Monday, October 02, 2006 10:55:00 AM  
Blogger Colleen Gleason soliloquized...

Jaci, I guess you're right, I won't be visiting you. *shudder*

Gypsy, I'm actually still shuddering when I think about it. Ugh.

Monday, October 02, 2006 11:26:00 AM  
Blogger Carl V. soliloquized...

I can vouch for that, I used to live in Oklahoma. They do indeed have some big spiders there. Woo!

Monday, October 02, 2006 12:21:00 PM  

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