For All the World to See

New Year, New Book, New Blog!

2007-01-31T08:46:00.000-05:00

My blog has moved over to Wordpress, and can now be found at

http://www.colleengleason.com/wordpress/

Come on over and check it out...and don't forget to update your link to my blog!

If you are not redirected in a few moments, use the link above.

Not for Women Only

2007-01-03T10:22:00.001-05:00

Carl V. of Stainless Steel Droppings speaks out on The Rest Falls Away.

Read the post at my new blog.

Official Release Day!

2007-01-02T08:43:00.000-05:00

This is it! The official release date for The Rest Falls Away. I can hardly believe it.

If you haven't seen it in stores yet, it should show up in bookstores all over North America (and beyond) today.

Let me know if you see it anywhere, particularly if it's in non-bookstore locations--like Walmart, CVS, Target, etc., because I'm not sure which, if any, of them will carry it. (Being a debut novel and all.)

And to help me celebrate the release this week, several bloggers are hosting contests, interviews, and other fun stuff...so if you get a chance, check them out!

Jana DeLeon's Musings of a Louisiana Liar
Zeus Excuse (the smartest blogger cat ever!)
The Risky Regencies (interview on Thursday)
Vampire Romance Books
The Idea Boutique
Author Caroline Linden has an interview and a unique prize (since the contest will be up all month).

...and more!

Thanks so much for sharing my excitement today!

(PS This is such an exciting day today for me, please don't ruin it by mentioning what happened in Pasadena yesterday.)

Retro Tuesday #15--1987 Movies

2007-01-02T07:20:00.000-05:00

I haven't done a Retro Tuesday in awhile, so I thought it would be fun to do one about movies that came out in 1987. Yes, twenty years ago! (Are we getting old or what?)

Here we go....

1) "Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die." Name the flick and the actor who is currently on a hit TV show.

2) The female villain in this movie was named one of the greatest movie villains of all time by the American Film Institute in its list "100 Years, 100 Villains and Heroes" list. Who was the actress, and what film was it?

3) In which movie was Star Wars' Millennium Falcon parked outside at a diner?

4) In this movie, which is known as one of the most quoted movies of all time, a well-known actress made her debut.

5) In Roxanne, Charlie Bales (Steve Martin) is challenged to tell 20 "nose" jokes. How many does he actually tell? ("Fashionable: you know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like...Wyoming. Personal: well, here we are, just the three of us. Punctual: all right, Delbman, your nose was on time but YOU were fifteen minutes late!")

6) "Give me the keys. I'll go to the supermarket. What do you want?"
"Truth and justice."
"Anything else?"
"Donuts."
"Why not? We're cops."
One of the lead characters in this movie later came out of the closet. Name the film.

7) In this first film of a wildly successful franchise, a house is firebombed. That house was the original family home in The Partridge Family and also the Kravitz's house in Bewitched. What movie?

Have fun and happy 2007!

The January issue at Wet Noodle Posse.com

2007-01-01T11:20:00.000-05:00

Our first issue for the new year is up! Check it out (there's even an article by me about why it takes so gol-durned long for a book to be published after it's sold).

It's 2007, and why shouldn't this be the best year you've ever had? The past is disappearing like a filling station seen through the rear window of a car, and your life is the open road. Write your present like the greatest story you've ever read, where the heroine throws her head back and laughs at obstacles, then gets in her red convertible and saves the day. Live like you drive a red convertible.

As a child, Spaniard Eva Calvo visited her grandparents in a Red Cross hospital. The organization impressed her so much that she volunteered for the Spanish Red Cross when getting her master's degree. Now this young SuperHeroine works for the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent. Eva has been part of relief efforts after earthquakes and hurricanes, but some of her most satisfying work is preparing at-risk communities for possible emergencies. Noodler Dani Collins tells her story.

Australia is a country of adventurers. Proof positive is Noodler Trish Morey, who takes her four girls on road and plane trips with courageous regularity. Her secret? Creative preparedness. One example: Use sibling rivalry to your advantage by offering a prize for the longest travel journal. Don't miss Trish's "10 Tips for Traveling with Kids."

Theresa Ragan is another courageous traveler – she recently went to China for the wedding of her nephew. The scenery was beautiful, the culture exotic, and the food overwhelming. (Hint: Stay away from the snake wine.) Don't miss the fascinating story and photos of Theresa's journey to Guilin.

Mmmmm… Smell that? It's the new year, and thanks to Maureen Hardegree's easy-to-make sachets, it smells good. Follow Maureen's easy instructions and scent your closets and dresser drawers with verbena or even Chanel No. 5. We bet you already have all the supplies, so what are you waiting for?

A man may think his home is his castle, but a woman knows it's like the outfit she wears every day – and if her hem is sagging and her cuffs are frayed, it bugs her. Stephanie Rowe has some great ways to take care of yourself by taking care of your home. With some new paint and less clutter, you may find you're already living in the house of your dreams.

During this time of year, many people focus on upcoming goals. But how do you focus on goals without feeling stressed by them? Dr. Debra explains how the "Just for Today" method from Alcoholics Anonymous can be used in all aspects of your life.

Maybe you're still giving parties, or maybe you are so done with entertaining that you've hurled all your silverware at the wall like a knife-thrower aiming for his lovely assistant's armpit. Either way, our dip and salsa recipes are easy, yummy, and don't require a fork. Make some for Super Bowl parties or scarf 'em up yourself.

2007's first Noodler in the Spotlight is Bridget Stuart. In addition to talent, Bridget has a winning trifecta of writerly traits: She's persistent, disciplined, and combats stress by working out every day. Find out why her dream vacation features hobbits and elves, and how a "magic book wand" should work.

You've written the book (or ten), signed your first contract, and put your congratulatory bouquets in vases. Now what happens? Colleen Gleason outlines the entire process in her wonderfully educational article, "The Birth of a Book." Get a peek inside the publishing biz and find out why it takes a full year to build a book from cover to cover.

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate? The Noodlers extol the virtues of their favorite hot beverages, from oolong tea to caramel-apple cider. Interestingly, no one included booze. What good girls we are.

WetNoodlePosse.com -- Be good to yourself, or else.

Happy New Year & Contest Winner

2007-01-01T01:26:00.000-05:00

Happy 2007!

May this year be full of blessings and joy and good health for all of you!!!

My Music Man and I got home from a rousing party up the street....we were the third of three couples at a small get-together within a mile of our house...on our block, even, and we ended the night with Dom Perignon and lots of '80s music (Adam Ant, Naked Eye, AC/DC). Our kids thought we were nuts.

Anyway. I digress.

We got home and I said, "Music Man! You have to draw a winner for my big Immortalize Your Friend in a Book Contest!"

And he said, "Okay!"

So I tell him to pick the number (I have all of the entries numbered because they came in on email entries) and he picks #34.

And the WINNERS OF MY IMMORTALIZE YOUR FRIEND IN A BOOK CONTEST ARE (drum roll provided by none other than Music Man himself):

Stephanie Feagan, as nominated by Anne Mallory!
(so both are winners!)

Congratulations!!! I'll be in touch with you ASAP!

And in the meantime, Happy New Year!

Ever wanted to be in a book? (pinned post)

2006-12-31T23:30:00.000-05:00

Enter my Immortalize Your Friend in a Book contest, and you could be!

Contest ends December 31, 2006.
That's tonight!

I like that old-time rock and roll

2006-12-30T09:20:00.000-05:00

In Michigan, we're known for automobiles, the Great Lakes, fudge, Motown, cherries...and Bob Seger.

Bob's a born and bred Michigander, and a few weeks ago, he came out of retirement to do a tour to promote his first new album in, sheesh, at least a decade.

Now I'm not necessarily one for 60-year old rockers doing reunion/coming out of retirement tours, but...this is Bob Seger.

I've seen him in concert four times and tonight will be my fifth--and they were the best shows ever. It's good, old-fashioned rock-n-roll. Not heavy metal. Not '80s pop (which, don't get me wrong--you know I love it). Nothing with even a hint of rap in it. Just rock-n-roll.

Now, for my Music Man, it will be his first Seger concert.

Which is why I told him he had to take me. You just can't be a native Michigander who loves music who hasn't seen our rock and roller. I told him that's all I wanted for Christmas, and he came through (though we had to pay through the nose for the tickets, 'cause the five shows have been sold out for weeks).

It was, of course, Risky Business that propelled Seger to the mainstream. He was already playing to crowds of 76,000 people in Michigan in 1976--years before Cruise danced by in his tighty-whiteys.

And it was thanks to Bruce Springsteen that Bob Seger (hmmm...interesting that they both have the same initials, huh?) got this chance. The film-makers of Risky Business wanted a Bruce song, but he wasn't willing or able to release anything for the movie, so they took Seger's "Old Time Rock-n-Roll" for that famous scene.

And the rest is history.

So...I'm going to see a 61-year-old rocker try to bring down the house in his last Detroit concert tonight. I have no doubt he'll do it--the reviews have been great. He does a lot of his old songs--mostly old stuff.

Tunes like "Night Moves," "Still the Same," "Turn the Page," "Main Street," "We've Got Tonight," "Sunspot Baby," "Rock-n-Roll Never Forgets," and others.

What aging rocker/band would you pay too much money to see?

What's your favorite Seger song?

This PC girl's Mac conversion

2006-12-29T09:15:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned earlier this week, I've moved from the dark side (my Dell was dark gray) and have seen the light and bought an iMac. It's very pretty and sleek and white and quiet.

Love the quiet.

I'm learning my way through its intuitive system and really haven't had any problems in a major way....but I do have some questions for those Mac users who happen by this blog (some of whom encouraged my conversion!).

First...what's up with the END key? I lived by that key in my PC. I use (used?) it constantly, mainly because I am always editing while I'm writing, so I use the arrow keys to go up or down a line or two, and then hit END to go to the end of the row, instead of stopping to pick up the mouse.

Well...it doesn't work for me on my Mac except when I'm in Word. Which isn't helping. 'Cause I need it in all my applications. So, is there something, some setting, that I'm missing?

I need my END key!!!

Okay. Deep breath.

Second thing: keyboard issues. My Mac came with a lovely, business-like sounding white keyboard (non-ergonomic) with a really short cord.

My desk is set up such that I have a higher level for my monitor, then a regular desk-level surface for other stuff (ie, clutter), and then a pull-out drawer for my keyboard. Unfortunately, the keyboard cord isn't long enough to let me use the pull-out drawer unless I put the monitor/Mac on my regular desk-level. So what's the point of that?

Now I'm using the regular desk level to hold my keyboard, which, by the way, isn't the ergonomic one I'm used to, so that's another issue.

Therefore, I may have to use one of my PC ergonomic keyboards (preferably my wireless one, but I don't think it will work with my Mac). And that ugly Microsoft/Dell gray will really clash with my sleek white Mac, which really won't do at all.

Help!

And...hmm...oh, yeah. The control key.

I tend to use my keyboard and keystrokes more than my mouse, so getting used to those keys and the difference in the functions has been probably the hardest thing. However, I finally remembered what my friend Noah had told me about the control key on the Mac: It's not the one one that says "Control."

Gotcha.

We PC people are used to that CTRL key being the god of our keyboard, and it's in the same place on both a Mac and Microsoft keyboard...however, the Control key on the Mac doesn't do the same thing the CTRL key does on a PC. Therein lies the confusion.

But now that I've figured that out, I'm a lot happier.

And did I mention I love the way my keyboard sounds when I use it? So industrious, like I'm actually accomplishing something.

Anyway, I'd love some suggestions and feedback on my conversion issues. They're not that bad--after all, I've been using a PC for more than twenty years, and never a Mac--but that END key thing is really getting to me.

If someone can solve that problem for me, I think there's probably a free book in there for that person.

(Oh, and P.S.: As I'm writing this blog entry, I keep typing "Max" instead of "Mac." Wonder why that is.)

And Zee Winner Ees...

2006-12-29T00:07:00.000-05:00

Liz!

Email me (author at colleengleason dot com) to claim your autographed copy of Surviving Demon Island!

Congratulations and thanks to everyone who entered!

Oh, and a reminder!

2006-12-28T09:38:00.000-05:00

You only have four more days to enter my Immortalize Your Friend in a Book Contest! So get hopping over and enter the contest!

What are you waiting for?

Another Missed Thursday Thirteen...

2006-12-28T09:29:00.000-05:00

Argh. Forgot it was Thursday until I saw Jaci's post. But I have an excuse--I've been technologically hampered and a bit discombobulated. (See previous post about the Blue Screen.)

However, to make up for my deficit, I'm going to be giving away a prize today. Yes! A prize.

First, though, picture this: Survivor meets LOST.

Then add in some really titillating, hot sex.

And a guy to die for.

Oh, and a few demons!

And what do you get? The sizzling mass market debut of Jaci Burton...which is my prize to one person who comments today and tells me...which show do you prefer: LOST or Survivor?

Jaci's Surviving Demon Island is a fast-paced, sexy adventure with a great cast of characters. I was trying to read it (by "trying" I mean that I wanted to be reading it, but was supposed to be doing other things like writing my own book...and I kept using it as a carrot dangling on the end of a stick for myself if I got enough done!) in early December, and it took me far longer than I'd hoped or planned.

Publishers Weekly says, "Realistic dialogue, spicy bedroom scenes and a spitfire heroine make this one to pick up and savor."

And I couldn't agree more! So, now that I've finished and enjoyed this book, I want to give away a brand new copy, signed by Jaci.

So, tell me which show you prefer (or neither as the case may be) and I'll draw a name after midnight tonight for the winner!

P.S. In case you were wondering( and I know you were!), I'm typing this on my new iMac. I'm still getting used to it, but so far so good!

My holiday started with the dreaded Blue Screen

2006-12-26T15:36:00.000-05:00

If you have a PC and you've ever had the dreaded Blue Screen, you know what that means.

Bad, bad stuff. Bad stuff for the computer. Very bad.

So, yes, last Friday morning, I got up and came over to my computer to log in and do my daily blog entry, and I had the Blue Screen.

It's a pretty color blue, cobalt--don't get me wrong--but all that unexpected white gibberish-looking error messages told me my computer was very sick.

And it was. Is. Actually, it is. There's no cure for what ails it.

I managed to get my data off (thank goodness), for even though I have a backup system, something had gone wrong with that and it hadn't backed up since December 18. Eeek!

But, the happy news is, I have the data.

The bad news is: I either have to reformat my hard drive (which will be the second time in two years) or...get a new computer. Which is just as much of a pain as reformatting a hard drive (reinstalling everything, setting my preferences, bookmarks [for all the blogs I like to haunt] and other stuff).

But at least with a new computer, I get to have fun with it being new. It'll be faster and cleaner and sleeker.

And my husband, my computer geek brother, and my sister's cool martial-arts-expert S.O. all think I should get an iMac. So. I'm really considering it.

Anyway, that's why I haven't been blogging or surfing blogs since last Friday. Between the broken computer and the holidays, I just haven't had the chance.

But I'm back.

And in some places, my book is on the shelves at the bookstores!! Jaci Burton sent me a picture of my book on the new in paperbacks section at the Borders in Tulsa! Completely unexpected--after all, the release date isn't officially until next Tuesday. (You can see my covers next to Jaci's shoulder and her book, Surviving Demon Island, on the bottom row, second from the left--the orange ones.)

But I'm not complaining!

And sassymonkey tells me she got her copy, which she ordered from Chapters in Canada, last Saturday!

So it's out there. Already. Wow.

But if you're out and about at bookstores, look for Jaci's book. I have a copy to give away this week, signed by Jaci, and I'll be posting about it tomorrow. So stay tuned.

Now...off to check prices on iMacs.

It would be a tough transition. I've been a PC girl forever. I'm pretty computer savvy. But, man, that iMac is looking better and better all the time.

What do you have? iMac or PC? What would you have if you had your druthers?

Thursday Thirteen #15

2006-12-21T09:24:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Reasons there will be
no Thursday Thirteen today....

1. I have about fifty presents to wrap (or so it seems)

2. I am having a cookie-decorating party this afternoon with my children and their friends (Akk!) Ten children. Hundreds of cookies. Icing in all colors of the rainbow. Sprinkles of all shapes and sizes. (do you hear me screaming?)

3. I still have one more (no, two) (no, make that three) gifts to buy

4. I have to make something to eat to take to a party tonight

5. I have to send out Christmas cards

6. But before I do that, I have to buy them

7. And before I do that, I have to write the obligatory family newletter (obligatory this year because I have to remind people about my book coming out January 2)

8. I have to make breakfast for the kids (who are just now waking up, yay, which meant I got to sleep in today, yay!, which is why this post is late)

9. I have to go to the grocery store to buy whatever it is I decide to make for Christmas Eve dinner

10. I have to write a few checks that need to go in the mail before the end of the year

11. Going to the bank is a good idea today too

12. I have to make sauerbraten for Christmas, which means I have to make the marinade today so the meat can "sauer"

13. I actually have to figure out what we're going to eat on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (I will probably do this before I do #9...but not guaranteed.)

....so that is why there will be no Thursday Thirteen today!

Press Release: End of the Year Merger Announcement

2006-12-20T09:41:00.000-05:00

Paris, France (Agence France-Presse)--In what is thought to be the biggest merger of all time, Men and Women have agreed to join forces into one sex, to be called Humanicorp.

The details of the arrangement are still being hammered out, but early negotiations have Men taking breasts. Women have agreed in principle to watch ESPN, but have refused to give up self-respect. Sources close to both parties say that genitalia remain a sticking point. There are also serious anti-trust issues that will need to be resolved.

A spokesman for Men, Bob, said that Men have been trying for years to merge with Women and that this was the culmination of a long-held dream for Men.

Women were unavailable for comment.

(taken from Mirth of a Nation, "More Mergers" by Jay Jennings)

Cut, Pick off the Lot, or Assemble?

2006-12-19T08:32:00.000-05:00

What do you do for your Christmas tree? (If you have one.)

We're definitely a cut-the-tree family. We go to a great tree farm (if you aren't aware, Michigan is the second or third highest producer of Christmas trees in the US) and make it a big production, usually the weekend before Christmas--which was, of course, just this last weekend.

The things I've learned about a good tree-farm experience?

1. You must be able to walk to the tree selection. It's no fun to wait for a wagon or cart to bring you out and then bring you back. It takes forever, and if it's cold....brrr! One year, we had to wait 45 minutes because they kept forgetting us!

2. They have to have hot chocolate available, either before or after (preferably both). Donuts are a bonus.

3. They have to provide saws. Sharp saws. (One year we brought our own saw and left it way out in the tree farm. We never saw it again and my Music Man has never let me forget that!)

4. They have to have a bathroom. (Please! With three kids, two of which are girls...you know what I'm saying.)

5. They have to have a variety of trees--heights, widths, and style. We have to get a short, fat one and we always get a blue spruce...at least, we always did until this year. This year we got a blue something else. It has long, soft needles (much easier on the hands when decorating).

6. They have to shake it for you, wrap it for you, and, the most important thing: they have to help you get it on your car!
after--or both--for the tree cutters. Donuts are a bonus.

PS. I'm guest blogging at the Writing Playground today...talking about my Cover Epiphany and also giving away a copy of The Rest Falls Away.

You think fat is ugly?

2006-12-18T16:03:00.000-05:00

I'm glad to hear that Italy is now getting in line (behind Brazil) in cracking down on anorexic models.

A friend of mine sent me these pictures awhile ago, just before that young Brazilian (anorexic) model died. I used the images in a session for a middle school youth group I work with.

The scary thing about this is that at least 75% of the students in this youth group indicated that they knew at least one person who was anorexic or bulimic or both. Girls making themselves throw up in the bathrooms after lunch, etc.

My best friend in high school was anorexic. It was terrible. But at least it was never as terrible as this:

Here We Come A-wassailing

2006-12-18T08:29:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been caroling?

Some of my favorite winter memories revolve around those crispy cold nights with flashlights or candles, red noses and excited, chattering friends.

I've been officially caroling--and by this, I mean going from house to house at night--probably four or five times in my life. I think I've been a carollee once as well.

The first time I went, I was in eighth grade and I went with a bunch of friends from my class. We ended up at our teacher's house (she was expecting us), and she invited us in for an impromptu party.

Last year, I went with my daughter and her Girl Scout troop and froze my patootie off. But the girls had a blast.

One of the best times was when I went with my Music Man during our first Christmas together. We got together with a group of thespians we'd been doing a musical with, and, clutching our hot cider and hot chocolate (appropriately spiked, of course) we caroled through a neighborhood with beautiful, large old houses that must have been built in the early 1900s.

It was just cold enough that we didn't want to be out all night, and that the hot chocolate and schnapps-laced mulled cider felt great in our cold fingers, but not so cold that it was miserable.

It didn't snow, but it had snowed, so we had a white backdrop for our set. We thrashed through some bushes to get from where we parked into the lovely neighborhood with long, broad streets and front yards big enough to stand in without feeling crowded.

People were delighted to hear from us, and since many of the carolers in the group were musicians (we were doing a play, remember), we had some percussion and I think we might have even had a guitar in the mix.

I think caroling is a lost art. And based on that experience, with the obvious surprise and joy from the people we sang to, it's an art that should be resurrected. Such a simple pleasure, and so traditional!

Now our streets are lit up with a blaze of Christmas lights so we hardly would need candles or flashlights, which is a shame. But there's nothing like the sound of singing breaking in over the blaring TV or the family conversations, and a group of red-nosed, pink-cheeked singers wishing holiday cheer.

This week's winner is...

2006-12-16T09:40:00.000-05:00

ejslack!

Congratulations and thank you for signing up for my newsletter.

Watch for another chance to win The Rest Falls Away next week.

I just made a total elf of myself...

2006-12-15T15:51:00.000-05:00

Click here to see.

Oh, if only I could really dance like that!

(And thanks to Esri for the link. I'm sure I'll be hanging out here the rest of the weekend.)

The Dragon or the Pig?

2006-12-15T14:13:00.000-05:00

Well, here we are. Big kids movie opening weekend, and I've only got time to take my lovelies to one of them.

So which one will it be?

Eragon is being slammed by reviewers and readers of the book. They say it's nothing like the book, it's a joke, but that it's good for elementary-school age children. (Of which I have three.) My son cannot wait to see it, so he'll be vehemently lobbying for that choice. And since it's only rated PG, my five year old can see it without me worrying that she'll be frightened. My ten year old daughter would probably rather see Eragon too.

And then there's Charlotte's Web, which my five year old can't wait to see. We have the original version with Paul Lynde as Templeton (my favorite character), and we all love to see that. It's getting better reviews than Eragon (but what does that really mean anyway?)...but my son will be really disappointed if we don't see Eragon.

So what about you? What are you going to see this weekend? Or are you going to be shopping???

Last chance!

2006-12-14T23:21:00.000-05:00

Sign up for my newsletter (scroll down to email subscribe box on the right side of this page) and be entered in a drawing to win a copy of The Rest Falls Away!

I'll be drawing a name Friday at midnight, EST, from the newsletter list!

Thursday Thirteen #14

2006-12-14T09:23:00.000-05:00

Thirteen of the best parts of
Spamalot

My Music Man and I went to see Spamalot last night, and we loved it. So in honor of this Broadway musical version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, here's a Thursday Thirteen.

(and don't forget to sign up for my newsletter by tomorrow for a chance to win a pre-release copy of The Rest Falls Away!)

1. The description of Arthur's Knights of the Round Table:

The strangely flatulent Sir Bedevere
The dashingly-handsome Sir Galahad
The homicidally-brave Sir Launcelot
Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-as-Sir-Lancelot, who slew the vicious Chicken of Bristol and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Bradon Hill
...and the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-show

2. The Song That Goes Like This (Arthur & the Lady of the Lake)
"Once in every show/there comes a song like this/
It starts off low and slow/And ends up with a kiss..."

"I'll sing it in your face/while we both embrace/
And then we change the key!/
Now we're into E/That's awfully high for me/
But everyone can see/We should have stayed in D..."

3. "I'm...not quite dead yet."
(the old man who is nearly dead, but not quite dead yet)

4. Sir Galahad and his entrance with the Lady of the Lake after he's been "transformed" into a knight...they appear standing in a small boat, gliding downstage, with a chandelier that suddenly appears overhead....strangely reminiscent of scenes from The Phantom of the Opera...

5. "I fart in your general direction!" (French taunter to Arthur and his men)

6. "We burst our pimples at you!" (French taunter and companions to Arthur and his men)

7.
Arthur: I am your king.
Peasant: Well I didn't vote for you.
Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Peasant: Well how'd you become king then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis/Galahad: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony....You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

8. The Tale of Sir Robin

(this is the ringtone I have playing when my Music Man calls me, and it cracks me up every time)
"Bravely Bold Sir Robin/rode forth from Camelot/
He was not afraid to die/O brave Sir Robin/
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways/
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp/
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken/
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away/
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!
His head smashed in and his heart cut out/
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged/
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off/
And his penis split and his--"

9. When poor Sir Lancelot comes out of the closet to dance with the disco-dancing guys
"You can all find him pumping at the gym/at the Camelot Y.M.C.A"

10. The playbill for the show was itself a a comedy. The first three pages described a Finnish show, complete with long Finnish-looking names with multiple consonants and vowels, and hilarious biographies for each of the actors in the supposed production

11. I could just kick myself--really hard--for not making the trip to see the show on Broadway. Tim Curry was playing King Arthur, David Hyde Pierce (whom you know I adore) was playing the not-so-brave Sir Robin, and Hank Azaria played Lancelot.

12. There were pokes at Andrew Lloyd Webber, Britney Spears, and even a segment where they burst into an extended segment of "Lady" by The Commodores (good grief, remember that one?)

13.

King of Swamp Castle: Guards, make sure the prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.
Guard: Not to leave the room... even if you come and get him.
King: No, no. *Until* I come and get him.
Guard: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
King: No, no, no. You *stay* in the room, and make sure *he* doesn't leave.
Guard: And you'll come and get him.
King: Right.
Guard: We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the room.
King: No, no. *Leaving* the room.
Guard: Leaving the room, yes.
King: All right?
Guard: Right. Oh, if, if, if, uh, if, if, uh, if, if, if, we... oh, if... oh...
King: Look, it's quite simple. You just stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave the room. All right?
Guard: Oh, I remember, uh, can he leave the room with us?
King: No, no, no, no, you just keep him in here, and make sure...
Guard: Oh yeah, we'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave, and we were with him...
King: No, just keep him in here...
Guard: Until you, or anyone else...
King: No, not anyone else. Just me.
Guard: Just you.
King: Get back.
Guard: Get back.
King:All right?
Guard: Right, we'll stay here until you get back.
King: And make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard: What?
King:Make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard: The prince?
King: Yes, make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard: Oh, yes, of course.
[Points at Guard #2]
Guard: I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me I were to guard him when he's a guard.
King: Is that clear?
Guard: Oh, quite clear. No problems.
King: Right.
[King of Swamp Castle turns to leave the room, both guards follow him]
King: Where are you going?
Guard: We're coming with you.
King: No, no, no. I want you to stay here and make sure *he* doesn't leave.
Guard: Oh, I see. Right.

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I could have been a millionaire

2006-12-13T01:14:00.000-05:00

Remember the dot-com rush?

Well, I had a great idea for an online business, and if I'd gotten my act together, I could probably have gotten funding, an IPO, ads during the SuperBowl...heck, I might be a millionaire(ess?) by now!

I would have called it OneShoe.com. (gosh, guess I'd better check to see if there is such a place, come to think of it...)

You know how you always lose socks in the Land of No Return? (Actually, I think I lose them under my bed--it's a black hole under there--but you get the idea.) All those single socks?

Well, I've had the same problems with shoes. It's happened where one of a pair would get chewed up by a new puppy (or an older dog), or something would happen to the shoe itself and it would be unrepairable...or I'd simply lose one (not because I was dancing barefoot on tables or anything crazy like that).

So I thought it would be cool to start a website for people to find the missing half of their pair of shoes. Someone else out there would have had to have bought a size seven of my favorite Dansko sandals, right? At some point in time? And chances are, they either got tired of them or lost one or danced barefoot on tables at a bar and somehow misplaced one of them...or whatever.

So in my dreams of virtual business-ownership, I thought it would be interesting to start a site--a dating site, if you will, for single shoes.

I know I would have paid for the shoe, plus shipping and handling, to replace half of a pair of my favorite shoes.

What about you?

Places to go....

2006-12-12T13:35:00.000-05:00

Dance Chica, over at Insomnomania, has posted Part I of her interview with me!

And Carl of Stainless Steel Droppings also had a little chat with yours truly and posted the results.

If you go check them out, I can blow off writing a blog entry today. How does that sound?